- i am so thankful -

Monday evening, Matt and I got into a slight disagreement after Ellie went to bed. This slight disagreement quickly slid into a full blown argument (other married folks...you understand how this goes right?), where we were no longer even arguing about what started the disagreement. You know...the age old, "we all of a sudden were arguing about arguing". Needless to say, once we both got some things off our chest, we said our sorries and climbed into bed, both slightly frustrated still, and both extremely tired and still reeling from our argument.

Tuesday morning, I got a call from my dad. My step-brother, Rob, who lives in Florida, had another huge set back in his battle with his cancer, and faces an extremely tough decision regarding his next surgery. My step-brother was diagnosed with cancer a little over a year ago. What started out as a common, (and usually one of the easiest to treat), forms of cancer,  quickly spread into the aggressive Stage 4 cancer that it is now. In a year, his cancer has spread to his organs, and much of his digestive system. He had chemo and then surgery throughout this year. And then, we all thought the cancer was gone. But he recently found out that what they thought was just scar tissue from the surgery, is actually cancer again...it's back...with a vengeance. And his next surgery has a possibility of being risky, and possibly not being as successful as the first. His next surgery involves procedures, that in itself, could be life threatening, let alone who knows if it will actually eradicate the cancer (although all of us are only thinking positive!) Rob is a fighter with a strong spirit.  And Rob is only 37 years old. Yes, 37. I can't even fathom what this past year has been like for him.

This most recent round of tough news brought tears to my eyes.

I instantly thought about Matt and the fight we had the night before. The silly, ridiculous, petty fight. The fight that we were both so passionate about, but really, it meant nothing in the end.

I thought about my beautiful daughter, and how Rob still has yet to meet his step-niece.

I thought about how I have been so concerned with trivial things over this past year...like getting my feelings hurt by people in my life who created too much chaos anyways. Or whether or not people liked me or approved of the choices I made in my life. Or being stressed at work. While they might not seem trivial when you are in the moment...once you step back, it's all pretty trivial. Trivial compared to Stage 4 cancer at 37 years old.

I'm so very thankful for my life, for my blessings, for my health. For most of my days being fairly care-free...and even when they aren't, they could be so much worse.

I need to remind myself of this more.

I am so thankful for what I have, and I'm praying like crazy that soon enough my step-brother can be thankful for the miracle of a successful surgery and a cancer free body. We love you Rob!

Rob, and his wonderfully amazing girlfriend, Emery, who is by his side every step of the way!

- let's play catch up -

Let's play a quick little game of catch up, shall we?

Here's a whirlwind recap of our last couple of months:

- I've watched my little girl grow up so much! She started preschool in July, and the changes we saw in her confidence, academic skills, and social skills were amazing! She didn't always love going (there were definitely some rough drop offs), but we saw such a change in her after she started preschool. Unfortunately however, that school didn't work out. They lost their lease on their building in August, and decided to shut their doors instead of starting the lengthy and expensive process of finding a new location. I was devastated, because Ellie had bonded with the teachers and the other kids there so quickly. It was the first time I have actually seen Ellie interested in really playing with other kids, and she would come home every day talking about her three little girlfriends she had in school. It was also devastating because I had to start the arduous task of finding another preschool that would be the perfect fit for Ellie. And right about the time when I almost settled and enrolled her into a program that I wasn't all that thrilled about, I stumbled across a small, Montessori based preschool that I hadn't heard about before. I toured it, and was almost immediately sold! And luckily so was Ellie when she started! It's a very small school, which I think is really good for Ellie right now (although, we might be kicking ourselves later when we eventually have to transition her into the large, overcrowded classrooms of public school). But right now she is getting amazing, almost one on one attention, while still getting to socialize with kids her own age. The first week she started, she told us multiple times how much she loves her new school! I'm hoping her excitement and enthusiasm lasts all school year!! She's become so much more independent and grown up in the last couple of months. It's exciting, and heart breaking all at the same time! I love the new little girl she is becoming, but my heart aches for the baby girl that is growing up (too fast in my opinion!)

- Ellie has been extremely interested in learning to read and write for the past three or four months now, which has been amazing to watch. She can write every upper case letter, and is quickly getting through her lower case letters now. And she has over half of the mandatory kindergarten "sight" words under her belt! She's also doing AWESOME with sounding out words. She officially read her first book by herself about a month ago! Enjoy! (and yes, by the time I taped this, she had read the book so many times that it's mostly memorization by now, but this was definitely the first book she read by herself from beginning to end! And yes, she is wearing one of my mom's old shirts as a nightgown, that reads "Grandmother to Be"...lol!)

- No, Ellie is still not sleeping through the night...sigh. Let's just say, after trying to once again fight her to stay asleep all night in her own bed for the past couple months, as of last Monday, I'm back to resorting to her sleeping in our room after her first wake up of the night. I just NEED more my sleep, and she sleeps so much better in our room.  Yes, I know she is almost 4 years old, but it works for us, so please don't judge!

- I had a couple eye opening revelations over the past few months about some things in my life that were putting way too much weight on my shoulders. Toxic people in my life, drama filled relationships, past hurts and current hurts...I just let it all go one day, and immediately felt better.

- I've been jonesing for a new tattoo...itching for one so badly! I've actually gotten a couple different ideas designed for me by a few tattoo artists...but for now, they just reside on a piece of paper...waiting for me to pull the trigger.

- Some of my favorite people are either pregnant or just had babies! Eeeek, so excited for all of you!!


So there's the "cliff notes" version of our life the past month or so! I promise I'll be back soon to start updating this little blog more often!!

- is anybody out there? -

Wow...it's been awhile, huh? I am bound and determined to get back into this whole blogging thing...I miss it...a lot! Things have gotten busy, and I'll be honest, there was a point where I felt that my blogging was pulling me away from family time (and more specifically hubby time) at the end of each day. So I took a break...a LOOOOONG break apparently. Plus, let's be honest...IG is killing the Blogger star right now, right? I've been able to keep up with so many of my favorite bloggers on IG, and it really is so much less time consuming!

But I do miss this outlet...to purge my feelings and thoughts. And more importantly, I miss what I started this blog for in the first place...to document Ellie's life...her growing up...and everything else important in our lives.

So, maybe it will be tonight, maybe it won't be until this weekend, but I WILL be posting a catch up post!

Until then, have a wonderful week!!