Wednesday, June 26, 2013

- in my head lately -

Although some people may attempt to be nice and tell me otherwise, I really am not an eloquent writer. I just don't have that "smooth" way with words. And I DEFINITELY can't keep most of my writing succinct. Anybody who knows me well enough knows that I tend to go on and on when I am writing my thoughts and feelings.

So that's why I have relied on other sources lately to find some incredible quotes that describe my current state of mind to a tee...yet much more eloquently and succinctly than I could ever be!


 My current challenges...parenting struggles, personal relationship struggles, and my own inner battles are all wrapped up into these eloquent, yet succinct quotes. They are all where I am right now. And they all express my feelings much better than I ever could!

Thursday, June 13, 2013

- why my child is still an only child -

It's a question we get asked a lot...when are you having your second child? Why is Ellie still an only child? What are you guys waiting for? And to be totally honest, I have a million answers to those questions. And I'm sure everyone out there has an answer to all of my answers (trust me, we've heard them all already).  But the honest answer is that we just aren't ready to have a second child right now. We're just not there yet. And maybe we will be soon...and maybe we won't ever be. And that's okay, too.

Most people we tell that to are appalled that the thought of only having one child has even crossed our minds. We have close friends and family that ask us constantly why we won't just do it. Maybe we're scared, maybe we're selfish, maybe we're just very content with our family of three right now...maybe it's a little of everything. But I certainly know that we aren't going to try for another baby just because everyone is telling us to.

Here's the thing...we always planned on having two kids. Two was our maximum, but it also was always our minimum. We never considered having an only child. Matt has a sister, and I have a sister, and that was just our "normal". Two kids. And then we had Ellie, and she rocked our so many ways. We felt love we never knew we could feel. We felt happiness and joy every time we looked at her. And we also felt a lot of stress. She was not an easy baby. Truth be told, it was probably the roughest 12 months of my life. It was more than just the normal "adjusting to a newborn". It was non stop. She was a very high needs baby, with a lot of digestive problems (which required daily medicine and a lot of strict diet changes) that made every day a force to be reckoned with. It's an interesting feeling...the feeling of loving her so much, while at the same time, crying tears of frustration at our inability to make her feel better, to stop her crying, to make things a little bit "normal" in our house.

We survived, of course, and Ellie is growing up to be quite amazing in every way. But I don't think any of our friends or family that continually ask why we aren't having a second baby understand what that first year was like for us. I honestly think it changed me, and Matt and I as a couple, in ways that I would never imagine. I'm going to be very candid and honest here...while it gave me (and us) strength, it also tore me (and us) apart on so many occasions. And that's a scary feeling. And, I know that our second child might not be as high needs. I know that our second child might not have all those digestive problems. And I know that even if he/she does, we are more prepared to deal with it the second time around. But...there is still that "but"...that always stops us in our tracks.

And while Ellie is an extraordinary child, she still DOES NOT SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT. And once again, I don't think those people that badger us about having a second child understand what it is like as a mom to have never gotten a full nights sleep consistently for 3.5 years. I can tell people until I am blue in the face, but unless you live my reality of usually only getting 4-5 hours of broken up sleep most nights for 3.5 years, you will not understand that that alone is a good reason not to throw a newborn into the mix right now. A lot of people we know with young babies nod their head enthusiastically when I describe my sleepless nights, but most of those parents will get relief, or have already gotten relief as their babies get older and start sleeping better and better. Your baby was a rough sleeper for 6 months? 8 months? The entire first year of their lives? Try 3.5 years!! And while I know there are other parents out there that are also dealing with non sleeping 3 year olds (I hope!), none of our other parent friends are really dealing with it, so it's a little rough being alone in this situation. We have had family and friends offer to take Ellie one or two nights so that we can get some rest, and while that is always a very thoughtful offer, I most often decline, because we DO get a few nights of rest here and there when she decides to sleep well, and honestly, I don't really think an extra one or two nights will really be helpful in the grand scheme of things! (and let's just be honest...I'm a mom...and I worry about her...I know I'd just be up most of the night wondering how she is doing and if she's getting a good nights sleep at someone else's house anyways. I know I wouldn't get any rest! lol)

And even after all of that said, we still have people telling us that this is just a short season in our lives, and things will get better, and we will regret not having a second child. And maybe that's true. And maybe we are depriving Ellie right now if we don't give her a playmate. I know some people with two kids who are the best of friends..always playing together...completely inseparable. But I also know some people with two kids that don't play together at all. They're just not interested in each other, and honestly I don't think they ever will be, even though they are close in age. And like I said, we HAVE NOT decided we aren't going to have a second...we've just decided the time is not right right now. Our life as a family of three is fantastic right now, and maybe we are being just a little bit selfish, but we just want to enjoy our life to the fullest for now. Neither of us want to deprive Ellie of having a brother or a sister, but we also aren't ready to dive in and do it quite yet. And you know what, that's okay!

So maybe I haven't fully answered the question as to why Ellie is still an only child...because maybe the answer just isn't good enough for most people. But the honest answer is, it's just not time. Maybe we'll feel differently in a month, maybe it will take a year, maybe the answer will be "it's just not ever going to be time". But, as I've always said, you need to do what feels right for your own family. What works for you. And this just feels right for least for now. Maybe we are a little scared...and I'm sure we are being just a little bit selfish. But we definitely are content with our family of three right now, so we're just going with it for now...until we feel differently. It's as simple as that.

(Image credit Nina S.)

Monday, June 10, 2013

- oh, hello there -

Oh, hello there...does anyone still remember me? My name is Kyna, and I used to be a blogger. But then, something happened. I fell off the wagon...I can't even tell you what I am doing instead of blogging. I wish I could say I've been running ten miles every night instead...or that I've been getting into bed by 9:00 every night to make up for all the sleep that I've been missing out on when my sweet, innocent child wakes up 3 times between 1:00 a.m. and 5:30 a.m. (yes...we're STILL dealing with that). Or that I have been so busy taking amazing pictures and editing away and I just don't have time to blog anymore. But....unfortunately, none of those things are true. I'm still a night owl...still staying up till 11:30 p.m...but not getting a good workout in...not getting more sleep...and certainly not spending time with my camera or my editing software. I can't tell you what I've been doing instead...except spending some time with Matt, and just vegging...doing nothing after putting Ellie to bed. And it's been wonderful!!! I needed the break!

Summer is just about here...and my friends...summer is by far my absolute favorite season! There is nothing better than summer around here. Picnics, beach days, homemade sangria (compliments of my wonderful hubby), long evenings playing outside in the warm sunshine. Summer is the season that we make plans literally every single weekend...because we just can't have a down day where we just run errands, or a have a quiet night at home...there's too much warm weather and beautiful days to enjoy! I won't let any single day go to waste during the summer!

I'll be back...I promise! I'll be back to document the magic of summer...we have so many adventures planned already...weekends away already planned....travels and vacations that we will soak up every minute of. Weekend plans with our friends....running through the sprinklers...riding our bikes (note to bikes for this summer! I plan to live on our bikes this summer!).

Here's to some amazing magic this summer!!!

(Image credit Nina S.)

(Image credit Nina S.)
(Image credit Nina S.)

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