Friday, August 17, 2012

- omg, way too funny! -

A long while back, I posted this post because it rang so true...and was seriously so darn funny! I recently found another one that had me laughing so hard...

For some of you with that toddler that just loves to sleep, and doesn't even budge from the position he falls asleep, in all night long, this might be a foreign concept to you. (good for you...kudos...enjoy your wonderful, undisturbed sleep...I am green with envy...and I might also be a little annoyed with how many of you are out there with this idyllic situation!) However, for those of you that have been blessed with a crappy sleeper like my child...this is all too familiar. At least we can get a good laugh about it!

An "Honest Toddler" letter...

I'm Sorry -
Look mom. I can tell from the way you haven't looked me in the eye since fetching me from my crib well before dawn that you're upset about last night. Waking up every 45 minutes to 1.5 hours isn't easy for me either.

In my defense, my blanket really did keep coming off, I was thirsty, and... I can't remember the other reasons, but I'm sure they were equally valid.

There was at least one nightmare. I was in a strange house. I knew it wasn't ours because the dishes were washed and your hair wasn't everywhere.

I do want to thank you for bringing back the 3 a.m. milk that you worked so hard to get me off of. It was delicious and instrumental in helping me wake up soaked in urine at around 4. Can't wait to have it again forever.

You seem tired and short tempered this morning which is why I felt more comfortable writing this than having a face-to-face. Can I get you anything? A cup of coffee? While you're up please bring me a sippy cup of juice and some unbroken crackers. Oh that's right. We don't have crackers... I recall you saying that around 1:15 a.m. That's OK. Why keep the house stocked with my favorite foods? I'm sure we have two kinds of wine though. But that's fine.

Anyway I wanted to thank you for changing my pajamas and throwing that towel down on my pee pee sheets. I noticed you didn't open your eyes once (weird). It's also OK that you didn't actually change my sheets. I find the faint smell of ammonia comforting. Love means doing things halfway.

I mean, I know another mother or a grandma might have removed the soiled sheets and replaced them with freshly laundered ones... but you just do you.

There is something I did want to discuss now that I have your attention. It's none of my business what goes on between you and father after I go to bed but if you could just throw on a robe before coming into my room, that'd be awesome. I think you should definitely rock what you've got, but angry nude lumbering zombie isn't your best look. I want to be honest.

This seems like as good a time as any to bring up the possibility of reintroducing cosleeping. I can't promise I won't judo kick you to the face like I used to but at least one of us will get a good night's sleep and isn't that what matters?

Anyway. I hope this note brings you some comfort. You really do look awful. Maybe you'd feel better if you made us some breakfast?

love and hugs,
your Honest Toddler

Oh boy, do we know those sleepless nights all too well. I never thought I would still be up at all hours of the night with a 2.5 year old.  But this letter at least made me laugh about it...well, until tonight, when we are doing it all over again!


Allie said...

This is great! :)

Amy said...

Oh, I love it. Hilarious and relate oh far too much to all of it. Esp the opening eyes thing, ha ha!!!

Vivian said...

hahahahahahah! I am laughing so hard I have to pee!...of course you got me at throwing the towel after peeing the sheets! I'm in too much of a pee mode hahaha

Tiffany @ Blabbering Thoughts said...

LOL pee pee sheets. And angry nude zombie omgee I'm about to have pee pee sheets reading this.

Cropped Stories said...

This is awesome in that it is hilarious! Not so awesome for us mom's that have a toddler that doesn't sleep well ;o) I seriously enjoyed reading this post; I have to pin it!

Christine said...

Oh my gosh! so stinkin hilarious (and true)! I still get judo kicked in the face every night.

Melanie said...

Holy crap-O-LAH... laughing my bum off! Thanks heavens we are both awesome, hot, & hilarious... that we can both laugh at this! You know how true this rings for me too my friend. OH Lordy... how did Jax get his letter to you?

LOVE you hon... hope you are having sweet dreams right now... I'm getting ready for my night of Jaxy kicks. I literally got kicked in the face the other night. Not cool dude!


Songbook said...

I love honest toddler! It always gives me a good laugh! I could probably write a few honest toddler posts myself from what goes on in our house... hahaha

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