- a letter to my four year old -

My sweet girl....You're 4 years old today!! I can't believe you've grown so fast! This past year has been such a fun and fulfilling year with you. We have seen so much growth out of you this year! This past year has been a big one for you, full of exciting changes. You started preschool this year, and you have handled it like a champ! You absolutely love learning, and it's so fun to watch you grow and develop both educationally and socially because of preschool. It was hard for me to admit that you were growing up and were ready for this change, but you've been loving every minute of it.

You truly are the light of our lives, my sweet Ellie. You have become quite the comedian this year and you love to make us laugh. And your laugh...it's gotten even sweeter as you've grown older. So pure and innocent.

So many people constantly tell us how amazing you are...how beautiful you are...how sweet and mature you are. You are all of those things and so much more!

You love to tell people you and I are best friends, and that absolutely melts my heart! Still such a momma's girl especially when you're hurt, or sick, or sad. Even as you grow older, you still need me so much, and I cherish every moment we spend together, cuddling, or playing the silly games you like to make up. But boy, do you love your special "daddy dates" too...especially your weekend "breakfast and park" mornings! You always come home with the biggest smile on your face!

You have such good manners, and your memory astounds us! And you are just like a little sponge right now...taking in everything around you. Your vocabulary is off the charts, as it's always been, and you are writing and reading now! You really are such a smart little girl! And you have quite the imagination these days!

But most of all, my Ellie, you are such a sweet and loving girl. You are so sensitive and compassionate and I hope that only grows more and more as you get older. You are an amazing little human being and you light up our lives, more than I think you even know!

Happy Birthday my sweets. Happy 4th Birthday!

#bestnannyever

If you follow me on Instagram, you might recognize this hash tag of mine. (If you don't follow me on IG, you should!!! My user name is kyna_d). This hash tag is reserved for Thursdays, when the most amazing nanny watches Ellie. Vicki, Ellie's Thursday nanny, works at the company I manage as a part time instructor. I have always been impressed with her, and her repertoire with the kids we work with. I still remember that late evening, this past January, when Matt and I were scrambling to figure out who would start watching Ellie on Thursdays...and Vicki popped into my mind. I texted her late that night, randomly asking her if she would want a permanent, one day a week nanny job, and she immediately replied "Yes!"

It came with some adjustments. Back in January, Ellie had never been left alone with anyone expect family members. At first, there were tears...but Vicki handled it with so much poise and grace! I've learned, after watching Vicki with Ellie, that you know the true value of a babysitter or nanny not while your child is being an angel and is well behaved, but when your child is crying, or misbehaving. How your sitter or nanny handles those situations proves what kind of overall care your child will get. And, like I said, Vicki handled those first few rough Thursdays with so much patience!

It's now been over 10 months since Vicki started watching Ellie on Thursdays, and all I can say is that we are so so so so lucky that we found such an amazing, energetic, creative and responsible nanny to be a part of Ellie's week. Vicki is simply AMAZING with Ellie! There's no other way to describe it!

And what makes it even better is that we have since gotten to know Vicki's husband through all of this, and have realized that not only are both of them amazing with Ellie (as a matter of fact...Ellie seems to almost have a little crush on Vicki's husband! It's actually pretty cute!), but we've really gotten to know them a lot better and have become good friends with them!

There is nothing harder as a working mom, than knowing that 8-9 hours of the day, your child is being raised by someone else. We have always been lucky (and spoiled) that we've had awesome family members that have watched her. But when it was time to find someone outside of the family to watch her, it was a scary and daunting task. But then Vicki came into the picture...after one totally, random, late night text to her....a complete shot in the dark. And now, over 10 months later, Ellie adores "Vicki days" and calls her "my Vicki". It's the cutest thing on Thursday mornings, to watch how excited Ellie gets when Vicki walks in the door...and how equally excited Vicki is, to throw her stuff down and quickly get involved with Ellie, matching her enthusiasm the entire time. It's hard, in this day and age, to not only find trust worthy child care, but to find people that will bend over backwards, unselfishly, to be the absolute best they can be for your child. We've found that in our Thursday nanny...and all three of us will always be eternally grateful for that!

Here's some photo's from Ellie's past Thursdays with Vicki...

WE LOVE YOU VICKI!!!

 

- i am so thankful -

Monday evening, Matt and I got into a slight disagreement after Ellie went to bed. This slight disagreement quickly slid into a full blown argument (other married folks...you understand how this goes right?), where we were no longer even arguing about what started the disagreement. You know...the age old, "we all of a sudden were arguing about arguing". Needless to say, once we both got some things off our chest, we said our sorries and climbed into bed, both slightly frustrated still, and both extremely tired and still reeling from our argument.

Tuesday morning, I got a call from my dad. My step-brother, Rob, who lives in Florida, had another huge set back in his battle with his cancer, and faces an extremely tough decision regarding his next surgery. My step-brother was diagnosed with cancer a little over a year ago. What started out as a common, (and usually one of the easiest to treat), forms of cancer,  quickly spread into the aggressive Stage 4 cancer that it is now. In a year, his cancer has spread to his organs, and much of his digestive system. He had chemo and then surgery throughout this year. And then, we all thought the cancer was gone. But he recently found out that what they thought was just scar tissue from the surgery, is actually cancer again...it's back...with a vengeance. And his next surgery has a possibility of being risky, and possibly not being as successful as the first. His next surgery involves procedures, that in itself, could be life threatening, let alone who knows if it will actually eradicate the cancer (although all of us are only thinking positive!) Rob is a fighter with a strong spirit.  And Rob is only 37 years old. Yes, 37. I can't even fathom what this past year has been like for him.

This most recent round of tough news brought tears to my eyes.

I instantly thought about Matt and the fight we had the night before. The silly, ridiculous, petty fight. The fight that we were both so passionate about, but really, it meant nothing in the end.

I thought about my beautiful daughter, and how Rob still has yet to meet his step-niece.

I thought about how I have been so concerned with trivial things over this past year...like getting my feelings hurt by people in my life who created too much chaos anyways. Or whether or not people liked me or approved of the choices I made in my life. Or being stressed at work. While they might not seem trivial when you are in the moment...once you step back, it's all pretty trivial. Trivial compared to Stage 4 cancer at 37 years old.

I'm so very thankful for my life, for my blessings, for my health. For most of my days being fairly care-free...and even when they aren't, they could be so much worse.

I need to remind myself of this more.

I am so thankful for what I have, and I'm praying like crazy that soon enough my step-brother can be thankful for the miracle of a successful surgery and a cancer free body. We love you Rob!

Rob, and his wonderfully amazing girlfriend, Emery, who is by his side every step of the way!

- let's play catch up -

Let's play a quick little game of catch up, shall we?

Here's a whirlwind recap of our last couple of months:

- I've watched my little girl grow up so much! She started preschool in July, and the changes we saw in her confidence, academic skills, and social skills were amazing! She didn't always love going (there were definitely some rough drop offs), but we saw such a change in her after she started preschool. Unfortunately however, that school didn't work out. They lost their lease on their building in August, and decided to shut their doors instead of starting the lengthy and expensive process of finding a new location. I was devastated, because Ellie had bonded with the teachers and the other kids there so quickly. It was the first time I have actually seen Ellie interested in really playing with other kids, and she would come home every day talking about her three little girlfriends she had in school. It was also devastating because I had to start the arduous task of finding another preschool that would be the perfect fit for Ellie. And right about the time when I almost settled and enrolled her into a program that I wasn't all that thrilled about, I stumbled across a small, Montessori based preschool that I hadn't heard about before. I toured it, and was almost immediately sold! And luckily so was Ellie when she started! It's a very small school, which I think is really good for Ellie right now (although, we might be kicking ourselves later when we eventually have to transition her into the large, overcrowded classrooms of public school). But right now she is getting amazing, almost one on one attention, while still getting to socialize with kids her own age. The first week she started, she told us multiple times how much she loves her new school! I'm hoping her excitement and enthusiasm lasts all school year!! She's become so much more independent and grown up in the last couple of months. It's exciting, and heart breaking all at the same time! I love the new little girl she is becoming, but my heart aches for the baby girl that is growing up (too fast in my opinion!)

- Ellie has been extremely interested in learning to read and write for the past three or four months now, which has been amazing to watch. She can write every upper case letter, and is quickly getting through her lower case letters now. And she has over half of the mandatory kindergarten "sight" words under her belt! She's also doing AWESOME with sounding out words. She officially read her first book by herself about a month ago! Enjoy! (and yes, by the time I taped this, she had read the book so many times that it's mostly memorization by now, but this was definitely the first book she read by herself from beginning to end! And yes, she is wearing one of my mom's old shirts as a nightgown, that reads "Grandmother to Be"...lol!)

- No, Ellie is still not sleeping through the night...sigh. Let's just say, after trying to once again fight her to stay asleep all night in her own bed for the past couple months, as of last Monday, I'm back to resorting to her sleeping in our room after her first wake up of the night. I just NEED more my sleep, and she sleeps so much better in our room.  Yes, I know she is almost 4 years old, but it works for us, so please don't judge!

- I had a couple eye opening revelations over the past few months about some things in my life that were putting way too much weight on my shoulders. Toxic people in my life, drama filled relationships, past hurts and current hurts...I just let it all go one day, and immediately felt better.

- I've been jonesing for a new tattoo...itching for one so badly! I've actually gotten a couple different ideas designed for me by a few tattoo artists...but for now, they just reside on a piece of paper...waiting for me to pull the trigger.

- Some of my favorite people are either pregnant or just had babies! Eeeek, so excited for all of you!!


So there's the "cliff notes" version of our life the past month or so! I promise I'll be back soon to start updating this little blog more often!!

- is anybody out there? -

Wow...it's been awhile, huh? I am bound and determined to get back into this whole blogging thing...I miss it...a lot! Things have gotten busy, and I'll be honest, there was a point where I felt that my blogging was pulling me away from family time (and more specifically hubby time) at the end of each day. So I took a break...a LOOOOONG break apparently. Plus, let's be honest...IG is killing the Blogger star right now, right? I've been able to keep up with so many of my favorite bloggers on IG, and it really is so much less time consuming!

But I do miss this outlet...to purge my feelings and thoughts. And more importantly, I miss what I started this blog for in the first place...to document Ellie's life...her growing up...and everything else important in our lives.

So, maybe it will be tonight, maybe it won't be until this weekend, but I WILL be posting a catch up post!

Until then, have a wonderful week!!

- letting go -

I am FINALLY starting to embrace this after putting myself through so much emotional turmoil for most of this year...constantly looking behind me and refusing to let things go and accept that I had lost certain things...relationships had changed...my feelings and emotions were just different.  But now when I look around, I am able to see what's around me right now, in the present...sweet, caring friends, amazing adventures, and a wonderful family. I refuse to look over my shoulder any longer! My present and my future are standing right in front of me... its time to give that my attention, rather than people and things and hurts from the past.

And it truly feels like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulder! Here's to a wonderful present, and an even better future, now that I have learned to just... let it go!

- her first day of preschool -

I've been dreading it and have been anxious about it for a long, long time. Ever since I started the obsessive search for the perfect preschool for Ellie, I have been dreading the day that she starts, only because that means my little baby is growing up! But of course, I have also been excited for her to start this new adventure!

Ellie's first day of preschool was on Monday, and while I was super anxious about it, she actually did great! I am so proud of her! Ellie has always been a little more introverted, and she has never been dropped off anywhere alone before. We've been lucky enough to always have her watched at our house, so we've never needed to bring her to any sort of daycare. But it was time to put her in school...she was ready for it. There is only so much she can do at home! It's good for her, to be around the other kids, to learn to listen to a teacher. To learn social skills.

I definitely expected some tears, but she didn't even shed one. While she didn't run into the school and immediately start playing, she was very brave, and said she even liked it..."just a little". However, on Tuesday she said she "liked it a little more" and she promised me she would "like it even a little bit more" today!

I spend months and months searching for the perfect school for her (yes, I'm a bit obsessive when it comes to researching...anything and everything!) and I'm glad I was so persistent and kept looking, because it was actually one of the last schools I toured. Luckily they had a spot for her, and I feel really comfortable with her there. She's going to a very small, Montessori based school that has an extremely low teacher to child ratio. This means that she won't get lost in the crowd, and she will get plenty of one on one attention. The director is so nice and was so accommodating to the wacky schedule I was requesting. And she definitely likes her teacher already! She was giving her big hugs on day one!

While I know this means she is growing up, I am so proud of her and I'm so glad she is taking this huge step with such grace! I think overall, her and I both took it fairly well...although, I have a feeling dropping her off at kindergarten in a couple years might be a different story (at least for me!!)

- in my head lately -

Although some people may attempt to be nice and tell me otherwise, I really am not an eloquent writer. I just don't have that "smooth" way with words. And I DEFINITELY can't keep most of my writing succinct. Anybody who knows me well enough knows that I tend to go on and on when I am writing my thoughts and feelings.

So that's why I have relied on other sources lately to find some incredible quotes that describe my current state of mind to a tee...yet much more eloquently and succinctly than I could ever be!

 

 

  

 My current challenges...parenting struggles, personal relationship struggles, and my own inner battles are all wrapped up into these eloquent, yet succinct quotes. They are all where I am right now. And they all express my feelings much better than I ever could!

- why my child is still an only child -

It's a question we get asked a lot...when are you having your second child? Why is Ellie still an only child? What are you guys waiting for? And to be totally honest, I have a million answers to those questions. And I'm sure everyone out there has an answer to all of my answers (trust me, we've heard them all already).  But the honest answer is that we just aren't ready to have a second child right now. We're just not there yet. And maybe we will be soon...and maybe we won't ever be. And that's okay, too.

Most people we tell that to are appalled that the thought of only having one child has even crossed our minds. We have close friends and family that ask us constantly why we won't just do it. Maybe we're scared, maybe we're selfish, maybe we're just very content with our family of three right now...maybe it's a little of everything. But I certainly know that we aren't going to try for another baby just because everyone is telling us to.

Here's the thing...we always planned on having two kids. Two was our maximum, but it also was always our minimum. We never considered having an only child. Matt has a sister, and I have a sister, and that was just our "normal". Two kids. And then we had Ellie, and she rocked our world...in so many ways. We felt love we never knew we could feel. We felt happiness and joy every time we looked at her. And we also felt a lot of stress. She was not an easy baby. Truth be told, it was probably the roughest 12 months of my life. It was more than just the normal "adjusting to a newborn". It was non stop. She was a very high needs baby, with a lot of digestive problems (which required daily medicine and a lot of strict diet changes) that made every day a force to be reckoned with. It's an interesting feeling...the feeling of loving her so much, while at the same time, crying tears of frustration at our inability to make her feel better, to stop her crying, to make things a little bit "normal" in our house.

We survived, of course, and Ellie is growing up to be quite amazing in every way. But I don't think any of our friends or family that continually ask why we aren't having a second baby understand what that first year was like for us. I honestly think it changed me, and Matt and I as a couple, in ways that I would never imagine. I'm going to be very candid and honest here...while it gave me (and us) strength, it also tore me (and us) apart on so many occasions. And that's a scary feeling. And, I know that our second child might not be as high needs. I know that our second child might not have all those digestive problems. And I know that even if he/she does, we are more prepared to deal with it the second time around. But...there is still that "but"...that always stops us in our tracks.

And while Ellie is an extraordinary child, she still DOES NOT SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT. And once again, I don't think those people that badger us about having a second child understand what it is like as a mom to have never gotten a full nights sleep consistently for 3.5 years. I can tell people until I am blue in the face, but unless you live my reality of usually only getting 4-5 hours of broken up sleep most nights for 3.5 years, you will not understand that that alone is a good reason not to throw a newborn into the mix right now. A lot of people we know with young babies nod their head enthusiastically when I describe my sleepless nights, but most of those parents will get relief, or have already gotten relief as their babies get older and start sleeping better and better. Your baby was a rough sleeper for 6 months? 8 months? The entire first year of their lives? Try 3.5 years!! And while I know there are other parents out there that are also dealing with non sleeping 3 year olds (I hope!), none of our other parent friends are really dealing with it, so it's a little rough being alone in this situation. We have had family and friends offer to take Ellie one or two nights so that we can get some rest, and while that is always a very thoughtful offer, I most often decline, because we DO get a few nights of rest here and there when she decides to sleep well, and honestly, I don't really think an extra one or two nights will really be helpful in the grand scheme of things! (and let's just be honest...I'm a mom...and I worry about her...I know I'd just be up most of the night wondering how she is doing and if she's getting a good nights sleep at someone else's house anyways. I know I wouldn't get any rest! lol)

And even after all of that said, we still have people telling us that this is just a short season in our lives, and things will get better, and we will regret not having a second child. And maybe that's true. And maybe we are depriving Ellie right now if we don't give her a playmate. I know some people with two kids who are the best of friends..always playing together...completely inseparable. But I also know some people with two kids that don't play together at all. They're just not interested in each other, and honestly I don't think they ever will be, even though they are close in age. And like I said, we HAVE NOT decided we aren't going to have a second...we've just decided the time is not right right now. Our life as a family of three is fantastic right now, and maybe we are being just a little bit selfish, but we just want to enjoy our life to the fullest for now. Neither of us want to deprive Ellie of having a brother or a sister, but we also aren't ready to dive in and do it quite yet. And you know what, that's okay!

So maybe I haven't fully answered the question as to why Ellie is still an only child...because maybe the answer just isn't good enough for most people. But the honest answer is, it's just not time. Maybe we'll feel differently in a month, maybe it will take a year, maybe the answer will be "it's just not ever going to be time". But, as I've always said, you need to do what feels right for your own family. What works for you. And this just feels right for us...at least for now. Maybe we are a little scared...and I'm sure we are being just a little bit selfish. But we definitely are content with our family of three right now, so we're just going with it for now...until we feel differently. It's as simple as that.

(Image credit Nina S.)

- oh, hello there -

Oh, hello there...does anyone still remember me? My name is Kyna, and I used to be a blogger. But then, something happened. I fell off the wagon...I can't even tell you what I am doing instead of blogging. I wish I could say I've been running ten miles every night instead...or that I've been getting into bed by 9:00 every night to make up for all the sleep that I've been missing out on when my sweet, innocent child wakes up 3 times between 1:00 a.m. and 5:30 a.m. (yes...we're STILL dealing with that). Or that I have been so busy taking amazing pictures and editing away and I just don't have time to blog anymore. But....unfortunately, none of those things are true. I'm still a night owl...still staying up till 11:30 p.m...but not getting a good workout in...not getting more sleep...and certainly not spending time with my camera or my editing software. I can't tell you what I've been doing instead...except spending some time with Matt, and just vegging...doing nothing after putting Ellie to bed. And it's been wonderful!!! I needed the break!

Summer is just about here...and my friends...summer is by far my absolute favorite season! There is nothing better than summer around here. Picnics, beach days, homemade sangria (compliments of my wonderful hubby), long evenings playing outside in the warm sunshine. Summer is the season that we make plans literally every single weekend...because we just can't have a down day where we just run errands, or a have a quiet night at home...there's too much warm weather and beautiful days to enjoy! I won't let any single day go to waste during the summer!

I'll be back...I promise! I'll be back to document the magic of summer...we have so many adventures planned already...weekends away already planned....travels and vacations that we will soak up every minute of. Weekend plans with our friends....running through the sprinklers...riding our bikes (note to self...buy bikes for this summer! I plan to live on our bikes this summer!).

Here's to some amazing magic this summer!!!

(Image credit Nina S.)

(Image credit Nina S.)

(Image credit Nina S.)

- lessons in life -

Over the past few years I have grown so much as a person. I have laughed harder than I have ever laughed before. I have smiled harder than I have ever smiled before. And I've also cried harder than I have ever cried before. And through it all, I have learned some important life lessons.

I have learned...

 that nothing will melt your heart more than a hug, or a smile, or a kiss from your child

no matter how "child proof" you think your marriage is, things change after having kids. It's then, that it's most important to guard your marriage and make a real effort to keep it fresh and happy.

that 2:00 in the morning, when your 3 year old is once again wide awake, is the worst time ever to try to talk calmly to your spouse. Being overtired will cause you to unnecessarily snap at each other. It's best to leave the conversation alone until you are more rested and you are thinking with a clear head.

that sometimes Google, and the doctors, and all of those parenting books will not have the answer as to why your child is doing what she is doing or acting the way she is acting. Children are just little people...they have their own personality just like you and me. Sometimes the answer is really "that's just how she is" and that's okay!
 

that it is so so so easy to judge, but is so hard to be judged.

that sometimes its okay to stop and enjoy the moment....usually more than sometimes!

that some friends are just "circumstantial" friends, and some are lifelong friends. And there is a big difference between the two. Circumstantial friends you often see a lot of, but once a particular circumstance changes (You move out of the neighborhood or they get a different job. You have a baby or they have another baby. Your interests change or they get a new hobby), you'll start seeing them less and less and the friendship will begin to fade. Lifelong friends are those amazing friends that you can see every week, or go months and months without seeing, and nothing ever changes. And even if your circumstances change tremendously, your friendship will never change.

that I just don't have time to do it all. I have to let go of something. Recently, it has been this blog. It might be something else further down the road. But in the end, I am not superwoman, and I need to prioritize and let some things go.

that my baby girl's smile always, always, always makes everything okay...

Image credit Nina S.

- so very true -

Oh so true....so very true!

- to kill a mockingbird...well, not quite, but almost -

If any of you guys knew Matt and I about five years ago, you would know the story of the mockingbird that lived outside of our condo (back when we lived in a very urban part of town)...and sat on the telephone wire by our bedroom window, and sang...every night...loudly. It drove us CRAZY! Matt was so determined to scare it away, that there were quite a few nights he would actually get his shoes on, and chase that darn bird across our alley and into other condo complexes parking lots...all while holding the BB gun that our friend lent us to scare the bird away (yes scare, not hurt or kill). And you can imagine when he did that, although it was pretty comical, I was always pretty scared that someone would call the cops on him, thinking he was running loose with a gun in his hand (picture a crazy, sleep deprived man, running after a tiny bird...that most people wouldn't even notice...He would be jumping over parking lot walls and charging down the alley...shouting a vulgarity here and there, and holding a gun...yes a BB gun, but a gun nonetheless!) But I'll tell you, that bird was a stubborn one...and would come back EVERY NIGHT. It was so loud when it sang, and it sang all night long! We tried white noise, music, ear plugs...everything! This went on for at least 3-4 months, and then one day, the bird just disappeared and never came back! Hooray!!!

But ladies and gentleman, you will never guess what has made it's way to our yard...and has been "singing" every night as loud as can be?? Oh yes, another mockingbird! And the kicker? He's placed himself right outside of Ellie's window...yes, to sing loudly to my 3.5 year old who already is a crappy sleeper! Why thank you Mr. Mockingbird, for choosing our yard, and for choosing her window to perch outside of! Cause this momma never really wanted to get any sleep anyways, right? Sleep is overrated...and nature and all that it entails is such a beautiful thing, right?? UGH!

I love nature, I love animals, I love everything and anything outdoors. But really Mr. Mockingbird? You're waking my child up, keeping her up once she is awake, and keeping me up once she finally falls back asleep!

According to Wikipedia, only the male mockingbirds sing at night, and they are one of the only birds that ever choose the night to sing. And why are they singing? Well, to find a mate, of course!

"Dear Mr. Mockingbird, while I know most females think it's utterly romantic to be sung to, I will be more than happy to show you some quieter ways to find a suitable mate! I'm pretty sure my husband didn't sing to me at all hours of the night, and I still fell head over heels in love with him. So I promise you lonely little bird, there are other ways to attract your soul mate! Tonight, I will even gladly leave my laptop outside for you, and you can try your hand (or beak..ha ha ha) at online dating. It's a much quieter way to find a mate, and my child and I will be much happier and so much more well rested! Sincerely, one tired momma that has already had her share of mockingbirds in her life to deal with"

Image credit carolinabirds.org

*disclaimer - I would never really "kill a mockingbird"...although, I HAVE laid in bed many nights this past week scheming...because I have not much else to do at 2:30 a.m.!

- this world -

this world is filled with hate

this world is filled with destruction...

...it's sad, and scary.

I am just one person, how can I make a change?

I can touch the peoples lives around me with love. 

I can share, and help.

but most importantly, I can teach my daughter how to love, how to care

how to accept people despite their differences

how to handle disagreements with words, rather than violence

how to spread her love around her, and make a difference in other people's lives.

I can make a change, even if it's just in one person's life...

Please wear a red heart of some kind to show Boston we care. ♥

- throwback thursday -

This is still one of my very favorite videos ever of Ellie!! Enjoy! :-)

- it's life -

and it's impossibly complicated
 especially when I...

...fall too fast
crash too hard
care too much
forgive too easily
miss people I shouldn't
worry over nothing
give too much
expect too much in return...

- I'm thankful -

Today I'm thankful for...

- a three year old that had an extremely rough week but is finally starting to "sort of" act like herself...after a horrible bout of the stomach flu...i.e, vomiting for 12 hours straight :-(

- my amazing mother who was right there by my side while I sat with my daughter on my lap for over 14 hours...because she only wanted me. My mom helped me out so much...bringing me food, bringing more towels....washing the "soiled" towels...I couldn't have survived those 2 days without her!

- a completely selfless friend who texted me every hour to check in with me, and who offered to help me out in any way she could, including running to the store to get us much needed pedialyte and broth....even though BOTH of her kids were sick with ear infections and she'd have to drag crabby kids through the store and then over to our house.

- the fact that we get a day of wine tasting tomorrow...because heck... I need a day of wine after this week

- a job that is very flexible when my kid comes down with the stomach flu...I may work for a smallish company, and I may not get paid as much as I could earn if I worked more corporate...but I have the most amazing flexibility at this company that I just can't give up. If I HAVE to work, it has to be at a place that understands that I WILL stay home for 2+ days straight because my kiddo is sick.

- for my awesome hubby, who let me kick him out of our room, and slept on the blow up guest bed, so that my sick baby and I could get some rest (because let's face it...he's a pretty restless sleeper, and we needed a quiet room! I still love you babe...restless sleeping and all!!!)

- I'm gonna be honest here...I am so thankful right now that we don't have two kids so we didn't have to deal with both kids being sick. I don't know how some of you amazing momma's with multiple kids out there do it, when they just pass the sickness back and forth!

- that Matt and I somehow didn't catch the bug!!



This was the first night of the stomach flu...her, finally sleeping on the mattress in our room, after all of the pretty white blankets were stripped, and it was transformed into the "sick bed". Please note the towels everywhere...but most importantly...she slept! Because after 12 hours of what she went through, what else could she do? I, on the other hand, did not sleep...I had one eye on her all night. And that was after being up at 5:00 in the morning that day with the first bout of "the bug"...(and please excuse the crappy iPhoto pics!)

**disclaimer...I know that we've been very lucky this season, and have avoided most of the bad viruses. I know that we should be counting a million lucky stars that this is the first time Ellie's been sick this entire season...because I know what some of you mom's have been dealing with month after month! But no mom likes to see her baby sick...so this week was a rough one for me. But I am thankful it is over...and it could have been a lot worse!!

- where did all this sass come from -

Something happened to my child right around the time she turned three...slowly but surely, this little three year old has turned into quite a sassy thing. Sometimes it's funny, and cute...sometimes it is absolutely shocking (like this past weekend, when she tried to put ME on timeout, because I raised my voice at her. Yes, my three year old told me to go on timeout, and not to get up until she said I could...really?!?) and sometimes it is just plain exasperating, like when she sasses us if she gets mad or frustrated. 

I remember people warned me of this...how girls could be quite a handful...I just thought we had two, or four, or thirteen more years before we had to deal with the sass! I can tell you this...it's a lesson in patience. I always thought I was a pretty patient person...I have now learned that I have a lot to work on in that department. I love her fiery spirit. She reminds me so much of her daddy...that passion and fire was one of the things I fell in love with him for. But just like her daddy, her fiery spirit takes a bit of patience to handle. And I know, once she grows up, I'm going to look back on this time, and realize that this little girl's sass was another life lesson...my lesson in patience.

- step outside of that comfort zone -

Comfort zone?? What's that? I don't think I even have a comfort zone! Okay, okay, I do...we all do. But I also push myself constantly to get out of that comfort zone. And it's given myself and my family a much more enriching life! Matt and I have always been willing, and excited to try new things. Whether that's trying a new food, going to a new restaurant, meeting new friends, traveling to new places, or just doing something on the weekend that we've never tried before. I remember when Matt and I first started dating, and my sister warned him "Be careful, she gets bored very easily...with everything in her life!" Matt, of course, translated that as I would be bored with him very soon, and would move on, but, of course, that was not the case. My sister did nail a personality trait of mine on the head though...because, in general, I do get bored easily....bored of the same old things...bored of that same old comfort zone that so many people get way too comfortable in.

There's nothing wrong with having a comfort zone...it's there to provide....well, comfort. It's there to be able to rely on when you need things a little bit easier. It is, however, tragic when you never get out of that comfort zone. You miss out on so many new and exciting opportunities. And you may say, "I don't need new and exciting opportunities...I'm quite happy with the opportunities that are currently in my comfort zone"...but being close minded is such a self defeating trait...there is so much life to be lived out there! And you don't even know what you are missing out on unless you put yourself out there and try new things! And think of how much more fun and interesting you will be to the other people around you, too...whether that's to your spouse, your kids, or your friends!

Now, I'm not going to pretend that we are constantly on a crazy, new adventure all the time...or that we are trying new food every single day...that we don't ever go to the same restaurants, or bring Ellie to the same places that we know and love. And when things are stressful in our lives...yes, we rely on our comfort zone...because it's what we know best. But we are also constantly thinking of new things to try, and planning new places to go and experience. And I'm so excited that we are exposing Ellie to life outside of her comfort zone as well. I'm hoping as she grows up, this is a trait we can continue to instill in her and foster. It will keep her well rounded, open minded, adventurous, and an exciting and interesting person to be around!

Stuck in your comfort zone? Here are some easy ideas to get yourself out of it!

1.  Pick one place in your city/town that you've never been to...and then plan a day trip there! Experience it and have fun with it! And once  you're done with that, pick another place, and do it all over again! Sometimes getting out of your comfort zone also means getting out of your comfortable neighborhood and exploring what else your city/town has to offer you.

2.  Find a new hobby that you have always wanted to try! If you can't think of something you've been wanting to do, then just pick anything you are remotely interested in, and give it a try. You might surprise yourself! Plant a small garden, take a class, join a club, make something crafty...it doesn't matter what it is, just do something different! Something you've never tried before!

3.  Load up into the car and just take a drive...anywhere. It can be for the day, or for the whole weekend. You don't have to have a route or a destination in mind. Just drive, and experience things as they come.

4.  You can be a "homebody" and still step out of your comfort zone at home...cook a new dish weekly, plan a new activity for your kids every week. I promise you, that no matter how happy and content they seem playing that same old game over and over in the backyard, or riding their bikes up and down the same old street everyday, they will be excited and grateful if you plan something new and different for them. And your spouse? Try planning a new and different date night for your spouse at home, once a week, after the kids go to bed. The point is to just provide new, fun experiences for your family...and many of those experiences can be done in the comfort of your own home! 

5.  Planning a trip? Pick a place you've never been to! Traveling to new destinations is one of the most enriching and rewarding things you can do. 

6.  Try out a new restaurant. Double points if it's a brand new cuisine that you've never tried before!

7.  Stepping outside of your comfort zone doesn't have to be expensive. Find out if your city/town has any free festivals coming up. Research your local college's continuing education department to see if they offer any free classes or seminars. You don't always have to spend money to try something new!

8.  Is your spouse not too keen on leaving his/her comfort zone? Don't use that as an excuse! Plan to do some thing without him/her. You don't always have to stay within your comfort zone because of your spouse.

9.  Don't be so quick to say no when you are offered an opportunity to do something that is out of your comfort zone. Try not to be so close minded and try not to over think every little detail of it. It'll be way too easy to talk yourself out of it if your over think it. Just go for it...worse comes to worse, you don't quite enjoy it...but at least you tried! But conversely, you might be pleasantly surprised!

  Summer is quickly approaching, and that is the perfect time to experience new things!

So get out there...and start trying all the things life has to offer!

- follow me -

So alas, Google Reader is going away (old news, I know...but with my blogging schedule these days, I'm just now getting around to posting about it).

So now it's time to find a new reader...a way to keep up with all my beloved bloggers out there. I am trying out both The Old Reader and Feedly. I haven't decided which one I prefer yet...they both have different pros and cons...but it's nice to know my blog roll and daily reads are now safely imported somewhere else in preparation for Google Reader being dumped.

And of course, there's always the good 'ol Bloglovin...if you're going that route, be sure to follow me here! Follow my blog with Bloglovin

And don't worry...with the lack of posting I seem to be doing lately, I promise I won't be clogging up your new feeds! :-)

And, if you aren't following me on Instagram, my user name is kynad. Come by and say hi! It's definitely a much more daily look into our lives, without the long, long blog posts to read! Ha ha! Seems as if everyone I know has less and less time for blogs these days, but can still keep up with each other via Instagram. And I'd love to keep up with any of my blog followers over there!

- eh -

Eh...that's how I've been doing lately...just, eh. Nothing in particular wrong...but just bogged down from work, stress, parenthood...you know, the same things everyone else is bogged down with. Luckily spring is here, and the weather is getting warmer! Everyone knows by now, that summer is hands down my favorite time of the year. And these warmer temperatures and sunny days we've been having is getting me anxious for the summer fun to begin!

Eh...that's how Ellie's sleep has been...yup, it's starting to slide right back down to plain 'ol crappy. We still get a few awesome nights, but we mostly get the rough nights again. At least I didn't hold my breath...and I'm definitely not surprised...nor am I devastated. I think I'm really beginning to accept that Ellie might not ever be a stellar sleeper.

Eh...I really have to start working on something...I'm known for worrying, obsessing, and trying to plan out every little detail about the future, instead of enjoying the present. I've done it for as long as I can remember, but now, with Ellie and all the other amazing things I have in my life right now, I really want to try to just enjoy the "now" and stop obsessing and worrying about the future. I constantly find myself looking so far into the future, that today just slips by. And I have too many "todays" to miss out on if I keep doing this. So I am challenging myself...for the next 30 days...I will not obsess about or try to "micro plan" what the future holds for myself , or my family. Instead, I will live for today, and enjoy every single moment with Matt and Ellie. I will be more conscious of today, rather than filling my mind with thoughts of a year from now. Life is too short to live so much in the future. I need to enjoy the "here and now". Because I am so blessed with what I have now, and I need to enjoy every minute of it!

So there you have it...I'm good...in an "eh" sort of way! But I'm not complaining! I have a beautiful family, a job, and a roof over my head! Here's to making this weekend better than just "eh"...and here's to getting some sleep...hopefully...and if not..eh, it's not like I've never survived off of 4 hours of sleep before! Been there, done that...and I can certainly do it again!

- the letter A -

this kid melts my heart...

- quick recipe of the week -

Hello and Happy Monday to you! Can you believe it's March already?!? This year is already flying by!

Today I'd like to introduce you to Kristin from, About a Girl. I just recently started following Kristin's blog, and I already love it! She has some really awesome recipes on her blog, so you should definitely go check them out! And how cool is this...Kristin is a real life rock star! No, for reals, her and her boyfriend, Aaron, are in a band together, called Larrikin. You have to go check them out and listen to some of their tunes! Besides playing in their band, Kristin loves spending her time taking pictures, cooking or baking, drawing and watching movies, especially ones from the '80s! She lives in Winnipeg, Canada with Aaron. They met on the internet years ago and in 2005 he came to Canada from Australia to meet her, where they fell in love and have been together ever since.

Image credit Kristin

Kristin is sharing a delicious dessert recipe with us today! I can't wait to try it out! And speaking of being March, these would be super fun for a St. Patrick's Day treat...just add some green food coloring!

White and Milk Chocolate Peanut Butter Cups
Baker's semi-sweet chocolate
Baker's white chocolate
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
a dash of salt
4 tablespoons of peanut butter
small or medium cupcake papers

Take 2 squares of each chocolate (white + semi sweet) and melt them in separate bowls in the microwave for about 30 seconds - 1 minute (microwaves vary, so check on your chocolate to make sure it is not burning. You're going to start by making the bottom part of the cups, so take some melted semi sweet chocolate in a teaspoon and lightly line the bottom of the cupcake papers with it. Don't fill them, you are just making a shell but make sure the sides are high enough to hold the filling, so I'd say take them about 1/2-3/4 of the way up the side of the paper. Just use your spoon to drop some chocolate to the bottom of the paper, make sure it's all covered, and then smear it around the sides to make the shell. Repeat with the white chocolate in separate cups as well to have a variety. Once done all the cups, place them on a plate or baking sheet and then into the freezer for at least 10 minutes (can be longer). While the cups are chilling, make the peanut butter mixture. Take the peanut butter and melt it in the microwave for about 15 seconds (you just want it to be soft enough to work with). Then mix in the salt and vanilla. Once the chocolate shells are ready, take them out of the freezer and fill them with the peanut butter mixture. Be sure not to fill them higher than you've made the chocolate shells. I then put them back in the freezer for 10 mins, however you may be able to skip this step and just move onto the next one (it's not the way I did it, but looking back it might not have really mattered to freeze the filling). After another 10 mins. in the freezer, take the cups out. Melt 1 square of each chocolate again (semi sweet & white, separately) and then spoon a small amount on each cup and cover to create a top. I mixed it up and made some entirely white chocolate, semi sweet chocolate, or I put a little bit of each and swirled it around. Once done, place back in the freezer for the final chilling. Keep them in there for at least 10 minutes, however the longer, the better. I left mine for about an hour and a half. Be sure to keep any leftovers in the fridge/freezer because they might melt if left on the counter.

Image credit Kristin

Printable Recipe 

Thank you so much Kristin! These look delicious! I know a certain husband that would love me forever if I whipped up a batch of these for him!

- sleep lately -

So the last time I updated everyone about Ellie's sleep issues was at least two months ago...and so many of you sweet, caring readers friends have been asking how things have been going with her sleep lately so I thought it was finally time to post an update.  I'll be totally honest, I haven't mentioned her sleep in the past month or so, because I haven't wanted to jinx anything! But, after deciding that that was just plain silly hogwash...and me blogging about her sleep was not really going to jinx it, or make it any worse or better, I thought you guys all deserved the update you have been requesting!

So, where did I leave off last time I did an update? We tried the melatonin...big fail. We tried a few other "all natural" sleep aids...big fail. We tried sticker charts so that she could earn an awesome trip to the toy store...big fail. We tried bribing her with the promise of a chocolate treat every morning when she woke up (super healthy way to start her day huh? Hey, I was desperate!)...that worked for about a week...I thought we were finally on to something, and then, it started failing. So, sometime around mid January, I was at my absolute wits end, I was tired, I was crabby all the time, and I absolutely dreaded night time after going on almost 9 long, excruciating months of this.

So I told Matt that it was time to rearrange our bedroom and make room for a mattress on the floor for her. I needed sleep, and if this was the only way I was going to get it, then so be it. Now, understand this please...I DO NOT think there is anything wrong with co-sleeping at all...I was just hesitant because my child has never wanted to sleep with us (or in our room), and I was worried about starting something like this at age 3 when most parents were trying to wean their kids off of sleeping in their room. A few ground rules were set before setting up her new sleeping area...I knew she was NOT going to be sleeping in our bed....there just isn't room, and she is a light sleeper, and Matt is an "active" sleeper...not a good combination. I also knew the rule was going to be that she ALWAYS started off in her own bed. That way my husband and I could still have our room to ourselves...at least for a few hours every night. The next night when she woke up at her usual 1:00 a.m or so, I went to go get her, and brought her in our room...tucked her into her little mattress, and she fell immediately back to sleep...and was quiet and content there all night long. It was such a relief the next morning knowing that I only had to get up one time, and only for a total of maybe two minutes max just to bring her in our room. I knew right then, that this would be the path we would be sticking to. I needed my sleep, and this was the solution!

And the little one rocked it in our room every night for about two weeks...she either slept much better, or was still waking up multiple times once she was in our room, but was super quiet about it and, as soon as she woke up and saw where she was and that I was right there next to her, went right back to sleep, because she never made a peep and I was able to sleep so much better. I would just go get her the first time she woke up in the middle of night, bring her into our room, and we would all sleep soundly together until morning.

And then, at the beginning of February, the weirdest thing happened...she just stopped waking up at all, and started sleeping in her own bed, all night long. It seemed like it literally happened overnight. I'm not sure if it's because the novelty of sleeping in our room wore off, and she finally decided her bed was much more comfortable, or if her sleeping pattern/habits really just changed that quickly...but either way, we're going on almost a month (26 days to be exact...yes, I AM counting!), and she's been sleeping like a champ in her own bed. Without a peep, without any tears, sometimes without even moving a muscle all night long! Oh boy, has it been glorious! She's earned lots of treats and special rewards over the past 26 days, but they have all been "after thoughts"...me rewarding her after a couple days of good sleep, rather than me begging her ahead of time and dangling rewards over her head. She earned an ice cream party, complete with balloons and streamers...(she got the biggest kick out of it. It was just at our house, not a huge deal, but she was so excited about it)...

...she earned the "Shamu friend" she has been asking for from Sea World...

...and she's earned plenty of yummy (sugar free...but shhhh, don't tell her that) treats along the way...let's just say, it's been a very happy 26 days for everyone in the house! I remember a few months ago, one of my sweet blogger friends, Denise, emailed me some words of encouragement, telling me that they went through the same thing with their son....and that, like me, she had tried EVERYTHING.  And in the end...their sleeping problem just disappeared one night by itself. I'm hoping with everything I have that our problem has also just disappeared overnight, but I am not getting my hopes up...not quite yet. I know that if I assume Ellie's sleeping problem has completely gone away, and it then, it comes back, I will be so frustrated and defeated. Sleeping problems take EVERYTHING out of you, both physically and emotionally...it's so hard to function without sleep. So for now, I am just enjoying the sleep...but still holding my breath...not quite ready to declare our sleeping problem conquered. As a matter of fact, just this morning, Ellie woke up with that tale tell sign of a cold...so, it wouldn't surprise me if the whole sleeping thing went out the window tonight. Call me a pessimist if you will, but hey...I've been fighting this for almost 9 full months!!! Unfortunately, 26 days of awesome sleep is not enough for me to finally declare victory yet!

The good news is...the mattress still resides in our room...taking up space in our  master suite already tiny bedroom...and at least I know, that even if she starts waking up again, I have that to resort to, and I am totally comfortable with that now. As a matter of fact...if I were to be totally honest...I rather liked peeking my eyes open and seeing her sleeping right next to me...and in the morning, when she finally peeked her eyes open, I would always get the biggest smile out of her when she realized where she was...along with an itty bitty sleepy wave and an eye rub...melt my heart! Dare I say I kind of miss her, and have looked longingly at that empty mattress these past 26 days...I mean...if I'm truly being honest here...

Thank you to each and every one of you who have asked me lately how we have been doing with sleep late. Your concern has been so sweet! You guys really are the best!

- quick recipe of the week -

Happy Monday! Hope everyone had a fabulous weekend! We sure did! Now it's back to work, back to the grind, and only four more days until the next fabulous weekend!

Here is the - quick recipe of the week - for you. Another crock pot recipe that I found through my Crockin' Girls cookbook. I've made it a couple different times now, and it has always turned out great!

White Chicken Spaghetti
5 to 6 boneless skinless chicken breasts
1 block low fat cream cheese
1 package Italian dressing dry seasoning
1 can low fat cream of chicken soup
1 (16-ounce) package spaghetti noodles

Combine chicken, cream cheese, seasoning, and cream of chicken soup in the slow cooker. Cook on LOW for 6 hours. Before serving, cook spaghetti noodles according to package directions and add to chicken mixture.

Image credit http://crockingirls.com

Printable Recipe 

It's really as easy as it looks, and it's one of the better "simple" recipes I have tried in a long time! Super kid friendly, and perfect for those busy weeknights! Enjoy!

- these are a few of my favorite things -

First of all, I want to start off by saying a huge, heartfelt thank you to everyone who commented, emailed me, or messaged me about this post. You guys are all such amazing people and I am so glad this little blog has introduced me to so many of you! Thank you, for sticking with me, and my sporadic posting, and my generally crazy life! Every single one of you made my day just letting me know that you still care about what I have to say, even if it's only once a week these days!!

Now, let's get to the point of this post...

I absolutely love finding new and useful things...things that make my life easier, or more fun, or are just plain pretty to look at! And I know there are so many things out there that I probably really could make good use out of, that I just don't know about! So I thought it would be fun to share with you some of my most recent awesome finds (some kid related, some not...totally a mix of completely random things that have made my life easier in some way or another) And if you have any new and useful things you want to share with me, I'd love to find some new discoveries!

Camera Coats

One of my most recent finds that I am loving right now is a camera coat, found here, Camera Coats. I am not a professional photographer, and I don't really ever go out on "shoots". Mostly it's just me, my camera, and whichever one lens I choose to haul around for the day. Yes, it's crazy, but I carry my camera around like it's a tiny point and shoot...it's almost ALWAYS in my bag.But because I don't need to carry around multiple lenses or any other equipment, an actual large camera handbag is a bit of an overkill for me. Instead, I ordered a Camera Coat to keep my camera protected when I throw it in my everyday bag. They have many different patterns, and most of them are waterproof (although you can get one that isn't waterproof if you don't like the "shiny" look that the waterproof material gives). It's light weight (which is so important when I already have a heavy DSLR, and a heavy lens), and it's pretty to look at too! They come in a variety of sizes, so just be sure you measure your camera and your lens so that you order the correct size!

Progresso Recipe Starters

I recently tried these out...holy cow...good, and super easy to use. They are basically a cooking sauce that is packed with seasoning and flavor, and they make a great starter for almost any dish! There are recipes on each can for some super amazing looking dishes, but you can also just dump a can of this in a crockpot or pyrex dish with some chicken, and you have yourself a perfect main dish. I recently baked some chicken with this sauce, and my husband declared it the "best tasting chicken" I have ever made. I wanted to pretend that I had concocted the wonderful sauce that was on our chicken all on my own, but I have to confess, I just used a can of this...that's it...nothing else! These sauces come in 5 different flavors: Creamy Parmesan Basil, Creamy Portabella Mushroom, Creamy Roasted Garlic, Creamy Three Cheese, and Fire Roasted Tomato. I haven't tried all of them yet, but I definitely will. They can be used over meat, fish, pasta, and basically anything else you want to use them on. They are definitely a great "go to" to have on hand for those busy weeknights! Check out Progesso's website for more recipes!

Melissa and Doug Reusable Sticker Pad

These are awesome to keep your toddler busy on the plane, or in a restaurant. Ellie loves them so we try to keep them for "special occasions" where she has to sit still for long periods of time because they really can keep her attention for quite awhile. They have "boy" themed pads, "girl" themed pads and "unisex" themed pads.

Downy Wrinkle Releaser

I don't iron...period. Nope, I just won't do it! I refuse to buy anything that looks like it might need ironing. However, I found this ingenious product that I always keep on hand for the small "wrinkle jobs" that I need to take care of. It works great for taking out a single crease lines, freshening a slightly wrinkled shirt, or making those bows and collars stay down on Ellie's clothes. And it's so much easier than pulling out the big ironing board and iron!! (Believe it or not, we don't even own an ironing board! I told you...I don't iron...) Oh, and it comes in a travel size which is AWESOME to pack in your bag...in case your clothes come out of the suitcase in anything less than a "fresh off the hanger" state.

I told you it was a pretty random list! ha ha! Don't forget...I'd love to hear about some of the new and useful things you have found for you, your household, or your kids!